Babies. Bathrooms & Growing Up

We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you."-2 Chro 20:12

It’s late & I’m awake. What else is new?

I haven’t written a blog in awhile, it seems. I have been writing, I am always writing, but not anything I feel the need to post for the world-wide-web to read. Tonight though, I just felt like sharing, just a little, of what God is calling me to do these days.

He’s calling me to GROW UP!

Grow up in a lot of areas in my life, but specifically to grow up in my faith. I am learning to trust the loving Lord Jesus more as I step out into the unknown.

One of the things that I have been putting off for YEARS, and I do mean YEARS, as been going back to school. Not just any school…seminary. I’ve talked about the idea of if for years, but actually taking the steps…that puts me in a dead sweat with heart palpitations to match!

Why is this such a big deal?

Because, I don’t like school! I’ve always made good grades, but those good grades did not come easy.  I’ve always been one to enjoy the social side of school more than the actual learning and studying part.

But, for some reason (it has to be a gift of God) the one thing I don’t mind studying and can never seem to get enough of is…The Word of God. The fact that my main textbook is my Bible just makes me happy. 

But there is still the anxiety that comes over me like a tidal wave when I look at the numbers (aka. Dollars signs) trusting that God is going to provide for me to pay for this now or pay it off later…but He will provide for His will!

He’s been providing right and left in the smallest ways…even down to the application fee! He is so faithful!

But that is just one of the many things God is calling me to grow up in.

Without realizing it I’d become a bit like Peter Pan (the female version of course). I would much rather just keep doing what I’ve been doing. But, I know that God is calling me to more. I don’t mean bigger or more success…but He wants to do more through me but that requires that I step out…and it’s terrifying!!!

Today, I sat on the couch with my friend Candace with her new beautiful baby girl in my lap. As she and I talked, and just caught up we both talked about how life just didn’t go as “we had planned.”  As I held that baby I thought, “man, I had plans!  And they didn’t include going back to school at 27.” I say it all the time, and you can roll your eyes at me, and lecture me all you want to about “how wonderful this single season is.” Yes, it is a wonderful season but it has taken a huge leap of faith for me and it’s daily surrender, to lay  my dreams down. I’m not saying I won’t get married or have kids. LORD, I hope I get married and have me some babies. But,  that is not God’s plan right now…as much as there are some days…if I’m honest…I don’t always like it.  But, His grace truly is sufficient in my weakness.

So, as much as I long to hold my own baby one day, right now this the season I’m called to be faithful in.

Sitting in the bathroom (not using the bathroom just sitting) the Lord dropped the revelation into my heart showing me how selfish I was being in one particular friendship. The Lord showed me how this person was chasing after Him. Furthering the Kingdom of God. Leading people to Christ!! Kingdom work…and I wanted a phone call? Really? I was FAR MORE FOCUED of that person that I was on Jesus! God showed me “They are focused on Me, and you are focused on them. Take your eyes off them, and put them back on Me.”

WOW!!!!

You know the saying, “he’s just not that into you?” Well, this is similar, “IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!” I was struck to my core for a few days with that rebuke, “his eyes are on me, your eyes are on him. Take your eyes off him and put them back on me.”

"Set your minds on the things that are above, not on things that are on earth." Colossians 3:2. You have forsaken the love you had at first…Turn back to me and do the works you did at first.- Rev 2:4-5

That’s when seminary AGAIN came back up in my heart! I knew it was the next step the Lord was calling me to. He had been doing it. It was a matter of obedience on my part. He’ll do the impossible if I will do my part.  God can do whatever he wants, but there are times that He will not act until we first obey. So I had to take the steps He was calling me to take so that He could them move in and do what I couldn’t.

For a little over a year now God keeps pointing that direction and its scary! But, that usually when I know its God. When I look at it and know in my heart, “this is going to take a lot of faith and trust in God…because I don’t see how it’s going to work.” Yep, that usually a good indicator you’re on the right track I’ve found.

The Lord humbled me this year in more ways than one. I had to eat my own words that I preach to the girls at my church all the time, “you can either humble yourself before God, or He can humble you. Either way, you’re bending then knee because God will not use us in our arrogance and pride.” Yep, eating those words…not so tasty! Haha

I was running so far out ahead of God, but in one moment and a few more after that….God stopped me in my tracks, redirected me, and got me back on track. His track! To say  I was distracted would be an  understatement…haha

There is a peace, and yet a fear in beginning to get back heading the direction I had been heading. Doesn’t mean that some of things God laid on my heart won’t happen (ministry…etc) but learning to be faithful in the little things. The Lord continues speak over and over again,  “Obedience. Obedience. Obedience.” That’s the direction I ‘m to run!

The best thing you can do right now is to finish what you started last year and not let those good intentions grow stale. Your heart’s been in the right place all along. You’ve got what it takes to finish it up, so go to it. Once the commitment is clear, you do what you can, not what you can’t. The heart regulates the hands. This isn’t so others can take it easy while you sweat it out. No, you’re shoulder to shoulder with them all the way, your surplus matching their deficit, their surplus matching your deficit.- 2 Cor 8:10-20 (MSG)

At the end of the day, the direction I have been running, “To live for the glory God and believe him for immeasurable more than I could ask or imagine. Reach this generation with the Gospel! Teach the younger women how to live, and not just teach them, but live it myself, setting an example with my life for the believers.  Love God. Love People!”

That’s it! And, that can flesh itself out in a lot of different ways!

I don’t do it perfect all the time. Actually, daily I screw up!! I’m the queen of putting her foot in her mouth (That’s why I love Peter in the Bible). But man, God is good.  He uses the weak things of the world to shame the wise! I always feel I’m one of the millions who are living proof of that! Jesus is the one I am to run after. To follow were He leads! Where He goes I’ll go!! I’m learning that does not, actually most of the time, that means, it won’t look like, “Plan Brittney.”

His ways are so much better!

I’m the girl who always hated studying. I hated getting up in front of people, and I am the worst speller and grammar is not my strength. I would much rather spend my evenings talking on the phone about my most recent crush than study! I’m much more an introvert, although I can be a extravert when the moment calls for it. I thought surely by 23 or 24 I’d be married and by 30 have at least 1 kid. That was my plan! So does God have a sense of humor or what in that I am still single and going back to school!  Haha

Anyway, this is defiantly more of journal entry than a blog, but I hope you can find some encouragement in here. God maybe calling you to the next thing, or calling you to step out, or step back, or step down. I don’t know what God is calling you to do. But we are called to walk by faith , not sight. (i.e. don’t wait until you have all the details figured out to take that leap of faith).

I’m learning, its called a leap,  for a reason!

But also, stop and enjoy the scenery of your current season. There is something God wants to teach you about Himself that only you being in your current season would allow for you to learn! So don’t miss out on what He wants to teach you were you are. The enemy would love to distract us with either living in the past or chasing the future never enjoying your current season. God gives us grace for today.

I’m telling myself this as I am telling you. Don’t miss out on all God has in store for today out of chasing tomorrow. A tomorrow you and I are not promised!

God told me this  years ago, and he brings it to my remembrance often when I start wanting to do my own thing or getting distracted my things that don’t matter a hill of beans at the end of the day, “I honor faithfulness and obedience.”