Waiting in Expectation

I was in the 8^th grade when I first sensed that God was calling my life out. I was sitting on my living room floor and leaned up against the couch with my Bible in my lap. It was a typical morning for me. I was waiting until it was time to walk down to the bus stop; which was just at the end of my driveway so I was never really in much of a hurry. So, I sat there and did my fairly normal routine of having my quiet time before I went and caught the bus. 

That particular morning I opened to Jeremiah chapter 1 and read (verses 5-9),

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” “O Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I can’t speak for you! I’m too young!” The Lord replied, “Don’t say, ‘I’m too young,’ for you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you.  And don’t be afraid of the people, for I will be with you and will protect you. I, the Lord, have spoken!” Then the Lord reached out and touched my mouth and said, “Look, I have put my words in your mouth!

I had only been a Christian a few years at this point, but I always go back to those verses and I remember the words “set apart” about leaped off the page at me. In that moment what I felt like the Lord was telling me, in my young heart was this, “I have set you apart, for Me.”

I could completely relate to the whole not being able to speak well, and feeling too young, and just not good enough to be used my God. But it was the beginning of the Lord working something in me were as much I hated getting up in front of people, if it meant I could talk about Jesus I would do it. If it meant I could share what He had done and was doing in my life I could do it. God was the one who gave me the ability to begin to get up in front of people and talk about Jesus. Whether that was simply sharing testimony or teaching His Word…He gave me the ability when it was Him I was talking about and pointing to.

But, It wasn’t just a call to speak and teach about Jesus, it was also a moment that I can’t explain other than I just knew in my heart, “my life is going to look different than most people.” I just knew it. Somehow I understood, only my the power of the Holy Spirit, that God set me apart—my life would look different than most people. I didn’t know what that was going to look like or how that would flesh itself out, but all I knew in that moment as I walked down the driveway was, “I am set apart. God has called my life out.”

So, I began to walk this narrow road. I did choose it, it wasn’t forced, but hasn’t been easy. Over the years waiting has become one of the main things that God has used to test my faith. There have been seasons in the waiting that I have dried the Lord’s feet with my tears and hung on to his ankles for dear life because Jesus was the only One holding me together. He was the only reason I wouldn’t give up or give in to the pull of the world. Over the years I have come to see my ability to wait has nothing to do with me, and has everything to do with Jesus Christ in me! It’s very much a gift of the Holy Spirit, the self-control and will-power is not something I just “muster up on my own.” It’s not because I’m good, or because I can’t get a date so I just decided to “wait on the Lord.” No!!!

On most occasions, if I am honest, there have been seasons when I did not want to wait. Waiting was the last thing in the world I wanted to do. But, the beautiful thing is that at a young age the Lord put a vision in my heart and on the rough days, the days when I want to throw in the towel, the moments when I think what is the point, the seasons when It feels like everyone around me is getting what I been praying for…for years, there are some very real and raw moments I have had with the Lord were I didn’t understand and those were the moments when I make the choice to walk by faith. Sometimes “walking by faith” meant crying my eyes out on my pillow and simply having to remember that my circumstances don’t define my God, my God defines my circumstances. He is who he says he is, whether I “feel” like he is or not in that moment—He is who he says! It’s clinging to the truth, and resting in the fact that the truth will never leave you even when your gut honest cries don’t sound so Christian.

I don’t write as someone who is an expert on relationships (far from it)! I don’t write as someone who has figured it all out and now enjoys this season of waiting and I’m eager to talk about it. These words are nothing more than a simple girl trying to walk out her faith…while waiting on a deep desire of her heart to be met.

If there is a book, quote, or verse on being single I’ve either heard about it or read it. But like I said, the Lord placed a vision in my heart—not a unrealistic vision—but just a vision; a desire for a marriage that glorified the Lord Jesus Christ. That sounds romantic and super-spiritual to some but it’s the truth, but when I began to pray for that I didn’t exactly know what that meant, and when I did begin to grasp some of what that meant I realized that this may not be handed to me on a silver platter like I would have liked.

Finding the beauty in the waiting has been a process, and it still is sometimes. To look for the beauty in a season you would rather not find yourself in. But, whether you’re waiting to find “the one” or your waiting on something else…we are all waiting on something. What are you waiting on? It can be easy to get lost or impatient in the waiting…but again it’s been the one thing that God consistently uses to chip away at the parts of me that don't look His Son, and to show me places in my heart where I still reach out to others to try and fill places in my heart only Jesus can fill.

In the waiting though, there is this beautiful thing called expectation…and I’m learning to wait expectantly on the Lord. My eyes may not see it right now, but believing that God is moving and working behind the scenes. My only job is to be obedient. That's it! 

"In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my request before you and wait expectantly." Ps 5:3

It takes faith to wait expectantly for the Lord to come through. How often do we wait lacking faith and lacking hope? When we do that we feel like God isn't going to come through so we might as well give up. We need to remind ourselves of God's total trustworthiness and His faithfulness. He knows the situation we're in and all that we are facing. He won't forsake us to face it alone. He can be trusted completely. As we keep on reminding ourselves of this and remember past experiences where God came through, our faith can be built up so we are able to wait 'expectantly'.

"The Lord is good to those who wait hopefully and expectantly for Him, to those who seek Him [inquire of and for Him and require Him by right of necessity and on the authority of God’s word]. The Lord is my portion or share, says my living being (my inner self); therefore will I hope in Him and wait expectantly for Him." -Lam 3:24-25 (AMP)