Mad Enough To Change

Most of us don't want to admit that we struggle with insecurity, but we do. I think women  have become more famous for it, but I know men struggle with it as well. We all do on some level. We might not want to admit it out loud, but if we are all gut level honest here...it's something everyone deals with on a fairly regular basis. But I am tired of coming unglued over the DUMBEST things! Are you? If we are gut level honest again, most of the things that keep us up at night or cause us to come unraveled and overact (and overact can flesh itself out in different ways. It doesn't mean outbursts. It's just simply means OVER-reacting to a situation. However that looks for you or me) are just silly and dumb. Not all things, but honestly if you're anything like me...then most things you become unglued over are just plain dumb! Lol

The last few days have been full of nothing but insecurities for me. Grateful that at least I know what is going on when I am acting a certain way. When my anxiety goes through the roof and I begin to spiral into all kinds of vain imaginations. At least now I know when Insecurity begins to raise her ugly head! But I hate the way I act when I chose to give way to it! I become frustrated and annoyed at myself...Lol. 

One of the saying I have grown to dislike with a strong passion is this one, “women are just insecure.” It’s almost like we just assume it’s what makes us who we are. When in reality Jesus died so that we could have security. True security.

We find ourselves insecure because we're putting our security in something or someone other than God. Something that is not secure. Therefore, the result of looking to something not secure for security creates insecurity!

A simple definition of insecurity is: Not Secure.

Deep right? I know!  haha 

But I am seriously ticked. And I need to do something about it. Some people eat when they’re about to rupture with emotions. Other’s throw up. Or jog. Or go to bed. Some have a holy fit. Others stuff it and try to forget it. I can do all those things in sequential order, but I still don’t find relief.

When my soul is inflating until my skin feels like a balloon about to pop, I write. Never longhand, if I can help it. The more emotion I feel, the more I appreciate banging on the keys of a computer. I type by faith and not by sight.

I am SICK TO DEATH of insecurity. It’s been a terrible companion. A very bad friend.

As if the battle isn’t hard enough, we sabotage ourselves, submerging ourselves with self-condemnation like a submarine filling with water. How often do we think to ourselves, I should be handling this better? So is it okay to ask why we’re not? Like, what’s at the root of an ugly knee-jerk reaction?

Praise the Lord that I have come a long way from where I was, in term of insecurity. It doesn't mean that I don't find myself action or re-acting from a place of insecurity but it's not as often as it use to me. Plus, now when I come unglued about something 90% I can pinpoint the reason...insecurity!  But just over the last few days I have found myself being super insecure, and it being fleshed out in different ways. All throughout the day I was super anxious and self-conscious.  After work I turned on some worship music and went to get a Starbuck (coffee makes everything better in my book. Some girls want flowers. Nope, just bring me some coffee and all will be well!) But anywho, the closer I got to my house after my coffee run the anxiety began to subside. I began to think with a clear head and realized what had been going on.

Insecurity had reared her ugly head and only with God’s help could I get to the root of my knee-jerk reaction!

If you aren’t ticked about what insecurity has done to you and others, I pray you will get ticked. Anger isn’t a bad thing when all that anger is channeled at the thing. I might not be where I want to be, but praise God I’m not where I was. It’s stopping long enough to have a real heart check.

Are you mad enough to change, is the question.


Resource: "So Long Insecurity: You've Been A Really Bad Friend." By: Beth Moore