Abandoning Approval

I loved God, but I loved un-visible people more. I worshipped them. I bowed down for their gold stars. I grew up knowing the facts about God, and one of those facts was that he wanted to possess my heart completely. That I would love the Lord my God, with all my heart, soul and mind...that all of me would love him most (Deu 6:5). 

But I couldn't live it then. I was busy making most everyone in my life happy, and it was working for me--at least most of the time. I'm lying. It wasn't working. I was completely wrecked inside. How does anyone ever make everyone happy? 

Was I the only one torn like this? In love with God and yet eagerly serving everyone but him?

I think we all care on some level what others think. If we do not desire the acceptance of those we love,we are barely human. It is one of the attributes that define us--our desire to be accepted first by God and then by other. Most people don't need everybody to be happy with them. But, everybody wants somebody to be happy with them. 

Since the invisable thoughts of people are not easily controlled, I would spin, longing to control them. People had to shrink for me before God had me completely. But how... - Anything by: Jeanie Allen 

I just didn't care anymore.

It hit me like a tone of bricks while sitting out in the cold at Passion 2013 talking with a friend. I didn't say it out-load in that moment, but I was shouting it on the inside. Care about what? You maybe asking. I didn't care what people thought anymore.  Not everyone. I have a small group of people who I trust to speak into my life. But for the most part I was getting to the point of not caring what other people who were not in the circle of trusted advisors thought. 

Love is jealous...especially God's. He wants me, and I want everybody else.- Anything 

For along time I use to care way too much about what people thought of me. I still care in some since, but more because I know that I am an ambassador of Christ and so I know my actions or ,lack of action in some cases, say a lot.

But I use to care probably more than was healthy what people thought of me. I remember one specific time when the Lord began to actually allow what ,at the time, was my worst fear to happen. Sitting alone.

It was my junior year of high school I think. I feel very blessed that I never lacked when it came to friends growing up, but that also would get me into trouble because I had a tendency to be way more interested in the social aspect of school than the actual learning and educational parts.

During lunch one day my friends and I were all sitting together just talking, nothing new there. But for whatever reason at one time they all, except for me that day, needed to all go do something whether it be: bathroom, more food, drink…etc at the same time. Which meant that someone had to stay and save our table. I was the only person who didn’t need a drink, more food or need to go to the bathroom. Therefore, I was nominated to save our table. My heart sank into my stomach. I am pretty sure I sat there all of 10 min, but it felt like an eternity. I was sitting at a lunch table all by myself! I was MORTAFIED! I find it funny now because there are times I would love to be alone and I can’t find the time to save my life. But, in that moment at 17 years-old to be left sitting by myself was my worst fear, but after about 5 minutes I realized that my worst nightmare honestly wasn’t that big of a deal. My friends came back and sat down and we enjoyed the rest of our lunch time talking and giggling like high school girls do.

I did wonder sometimes...if I was missing the best things, the things that matter most, because I was afraid. 

Over the years as I have had the opportunity to serve in student ministry I have found that you can get so caught up in what others “might” say that you are paralyzed. You over-think, over-analyze everything. 

I am not saying to not set boundaries and have standards; please have those. But sometimes we simply won’t make a move God is clearly telling us to make out of fear of what others may say.

If there is one thing I am learning it's this, listen closely, you have ZERO control over what people are going to say or think about you. I am learning that if you chase peoples approval that is an exhausting race that you will loose. 

He knows we keep chasing other loves until we love him most. We keep spinning. We keep searching, restless. We keep missing all he has for us. He'll always feel far away, drowned out by other louder rivers, until ever other thing fades away and he becomes the only thing. 

I remember last February being absolutely overwhelmed with people opinions. Everyone wanted to give their 10 cents. I just remember I couldn't keep it in anymore. I walked over to my friend Laura, who I am convinced God gives the right words at the right time because it never ceases to be what I need to hear. She knew what was going on and she simply said, you need to go home today and just sit and turn off all the voices and listen to One! And that night thats exactly what I did.

I grabbed by Bible and went outside and sat on the porch swing. I opened to Psalms and I just started reading. As I sat there I looked up and saw heat lighting off in the distance and heard rolls of thunder as I read these words from Ps 29:3-11

The voice of the Lord echoes above the sea.The God of glory thunders.
    The Lord thunders over the mighty sea.The voice of the Lord is powerful;the voice of the Lord is majestic.The voice of the Lord splits the mighty cedars;
the Lord shatters the cedars of Lebanon. He makes Lebanon’s mountains skip like a calf;
he makes Mount Hermon leap like a young wild ox.The voice of the Lord strikes
with bolts of lightning.The voice of the Lord makes the barren wilderness quake;the Lord shakes the wilderness of Kadesh.The voice of the Lord twists mighty oaks and strips the forests bare.
In his Temple everyone shouts, “Glory!” The Lord rules over the floodwaters. The Lord reigns as king forever. The Lord gives his people strength.The Lord blesses them with peace.

I needed to stop and listen to the One voice! Not the hundreds of others. They all meant well and their thoughts and opinions came from a good place, but I wasn't listening to God. I was chasing everyone else's thoughts and opinions. 

The other day I sat in a coffee shop, by myself, it doesn’t bother me now…hahaha

But I was sitting alone simply reading and drinking my yummy coffee I overheard some students talking about the Passion Conference. I had also just attended  all of 24 –hrs prior and as I listened to them share what they liked and didn’t like it hit me that as a speaker of something like Passion you better walk on that stage with your only desire to be obedient, because you are not going to make everyone happy. You can’t live to please the masses because you won't! You simply have to be obedient and leave the consequences to God.

Same goes for you and I. Are we going to be more concerned with what others think or with what God thinks?

Will we be obedient no matter the cost?

That is why I said, “I just didn't care.”

I didn't care what others may think of me. I have no control over what others will say. I have no control over whether this person believes me or not. But, I do care about being obedient to my God.

We can get so worried about what other people think that we may miss out on something incredible. There will be those that call you crazy, but then there will be those who stand shoulder to shoulder with you in faith believing for what seems impossible.

I guess I just feel the need to say this just because after this past year there is simply a fight the Lord put in me to be obedient no matter the cost, and if that cost means that people talk about me and question my motives than so be it. 

This came to life as I was reading Judah Smith’s new book “Jesus is_______.”

One of the chapters is titled, “Jesus is a Friend.”

In that chapter Judah talks about how Jesus is the friend of sinners. He associated with people that others wanted nothing do to with. He didn’t care about “his reputation” he cared about people.

In full view of everyone, he hung out with today’s equivalent to pimps, prostitutes, and crackheads. In that culture, to eat with someone was to identify with them. Jesus associated himself with people who were shunned by every upstanding Jew. There were the butts of jokes and the targets of smirks. No self-respecting person would risk befriending them for fear of being found guilty by association.

            By everyone’s standards, Jesus was a good man. So making friends with bad people didn’t make sense. Preaching at them, rebuking them, criticizing them, mocking them—that was expected. Even applauded. But sitting around a table telling jokes and enjoying life together? That was shocking. That was tabloid material. But Jesus didn’t care about the scandal. He cared about the scandalous. – Judah Smith

I pray that I will be far more concerned with what God thinks than man. I can’t please the masses and I don’t want to seek to please them. but I have a long way to go. 

“If God is for something than nothing can stop it or stand against it.” 

There are just far more important things going on in the world that need my and your attention and energy, and the opinions and thoughts of others should not be one them.

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. – Gal 1:10 (ESV)