He Will Not Delay
Must the vision cost so much? – Elisabeth Elliott
"Thousands of prayers on her knees led to his bended knee"- Radiant by: Marian Jordan
As I was
curled up in my bed to read my eyes fell on this simple yet profound question.
“Must the vision cost so much?” The vision to have a Christ-centered marriage,
the vision to keep the marriage bed pure…must it cost so much?
I echo what
author/speaker Marian Jordan shared at a girls event she spoke at, “Not only
does Satan want to break-up godly marriages, he doesn’t even want them to
start.”
But I have
been thinking a lot about that quote the last few days. I know for a fact in
many different ways, even if I didn’t say it out loud, there were times I asked
the same question as tears rolled down my cheeks. I had this desire and
longing, but all I could do was wait.
Every little
girls dreams of her wedding day, but for me I have always dreamed of a
marriage. The day will be a wonderful day indeed, a celebration of what God has
brought together, but it’s the life we will build together that I look forward
to the most.
Back in April
2012 I stood on a stage in front of about 140 girls and I had no idea what was
about to come out of my mouth. I was suppose to share my story in 10 minutes?
How was I going to explain why I was waiting on God's best in 10 minutes? All I
knew was, to start at the beginning and ask the girls the same question that I
was asked 7 years ago that changed my life. I then found myself saying
something I NEVER PLANNED ON SAYING! Let me repeat, I did not plan on saying
what I said that night. I remember walked off that stage thinking, "Oh my gosh! What did I just do?"
Even as the
words came out I knew it had to be God, because if it was up to me I would not
have shared half of what I did…it was too personal, too intimate. I found
myself quoting something Marian Jordan had said in a message she taught about a
year before.
I remembered
sitting in my car and listening to this message and tears began to fall down my
cheeks. My best friend had given it to me, and as I listened God reached into
what was starting to become a heart of stone and gave me a heart of flesh. Hope
deferred was beginning to make my heart sick, but He reached in and healed me.
One of things
Marian said struck me to my core. It not only was the desire of my heart but
what I believed in that moment to be a word from the Lord about the marriage he
wanted for me. She said this,
“The
marriage God wants for you is one where you are partners in ministry, you have
this holy calling together, your lives further the Kingdom, and your children come
into a family of faith and it is blessed. But your in this waiting season right
now...”
I didn’t have
time to break it down that night standing on that stage, but I have the time
now.
1) Partners in Ministry: That does not mean my husband will be called to disciple young ladies. Actually I know he won’t be, but do we share a mutual
passion to reach this generation? Are we able to come together and work as a
team to accomplish a common goal (1 Cor 1:10 & Philip 2:2). I have always
loved how Louie Giglio says it, "its about a guy coming to a girl and
saying, 'I don't have it all figured out, but this is the direction I feel God
is taking me would you come with me and join me on the journey.'"
2) Holy Calling: Marriage in and of itself is a holy calling. We have this
incredible gift and responsibility…we are the gospel on display. (Eph 5:21-33)
3) Lives Further the Kingdom of God: This one is kind of like the first and
the second combined. Simply put, single or married we are created for the glory
of God (Isaiah 43:7). At the end of the day its’ all about loving God and
loving people (Matt 22:34-40) and seeking first the kingdom of God and His
righteousness (Matt 6:33) and trusting that he will add everything else we need.
Since that is our mission at believer and followers of Jesus Christ regardless
of our relationship status, then it makes since then that as two believer
coming together as one we would continue to seek to further the kingdom of God.
Doing what we had been doing, but now we get to do it together. As one we can
do EVEN MORE for the glory of God and to further His Kingdom than we ever could
apart.
4) Children come into a family of faith: I want so much for my children to
grow up in a home where Jesus is the center. Whether through natural means or
adoptions I desire to raise children alongside my husband who love Jesus. Who
can grow up and be lights in their generation. But, they have to also see it
modeled. I pray that if I have the gift of becoming a mother one day that my
children would know their parents love Jesus and love each other and love them.
5) It is blessed: I do pray that God’s hand will be so evident throughout
the friendship, courtship, and marriage. It doesn’t mean that things will be
easy all the time. There will desert seasons and harvest seasons. That is apart
of life on this planet, but I do pray and believe that as we seek to know and
love Jesus more he will bless us. I am a visual person and I just have this
image of a home and God’s hand being upon it. That is how I envision
blessed…not that everything is always easy but that we can always rest in the
truth that God will never leaves us or forsakes us, and that if He is for us
who can stand against us.
I
laugh at all the hours my best friend, Jacinta, and I spent on the phone in
middle school day dreaming about who those mysterious men God had for us would
be. I still remember asking Jacinta this question, and she can back me up on
the answer (I am not making this up! PROMISE). I asked her how she envisioned my future husband? She said she thought he would wear hats a lot, and not have
the kind of job where you wear a suit, and for some reason she could see
him driving a jeep. I don't know why?…hahaha. I miss being 14 years-old sometimes…haha.
Lately
I have been more and more open with my story. Not because I am boy crazy, far
from it, but because for a long time I use to feel embarrassed about it. But in
being willing to be vulnerable the shame has begun to melt away the last few
years.
The
sad thing is I really shouldn’t feel ashamed or embarrassed about my story. But
purity unfortunately gets mocked in our world, but God is giving me the grace
and strength to step out and share at the risk of being made fun of (Gal 1:10).
I
was one of those weird girls who started thinking about her future marriage way
back in middle school. I am pretty sure I started praying for my future husband
probably around 8th grade. I took it a lot more serious when I was
around 19 or 20 but never the less, I thought about, wondered about, talked
about and prayed about this man called my, Future Husband.
It
wasn’t until I heard Beth Moore’s message at Passion 2011 on (Ps 37) and Marian
Jordan’s message on Faith and Inheritance (Feb 2010) that I began to understand
what was at the heart of my desire. Why did I want to get married in the first
place? It went back to those 5 things. Deep down all I ever wanted was to be a
helpmate (Gen 2:18). It was how I was created. It made a lot of things makes
since, even the waiting.
I
have had my heart broken plenty of times, but my story is not so much how I
looked for love in all the wrong places, which we have all done in some way
shape or form, but my story is how I went through seasons of heartbreak because it was another year that a deep desire of my heart went unmet, and I didn’t understand why.
Expectant tears fall from my eyes when I go back and look through old journal’s I have
written in over the years. The tears come because whenever I come across
something I have written that has to do with this very topic I see one thing
God has consistently reminded me of over the years, and I continue to rest in
it. It's this simply truth, “God’s timing is perfect.” (Ecc 3:11)
Yet God
has made everything beautiful in its own time
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