Lessons Learned in my Twenties

With the big 3-0 sneaking up on me I’ve been looking back over my years at a twenty-something. If there is one thing that I like about getting older it's the wisdom and maturity that come with age. However, what struck me like a tidal wave today is the faithfulness of God.

I look back at a life changing moment that changed everything for me at 18-years old. I've shared this many times, but I was sitting on the beach in PCB Florida and the Lord spoke two things into my heart that have been life-changing. One, I was created for His glory & to bring Him glory with my life. That transformed everything about how I did life from that day forward. Everything was sifted through the lens of: does this bring God glory? The second one had to do with faithfulness to the man I would marry some day--if the Lord saw I could do more for the Kindgom and be made more like Christ through marriage, he'd bring me a long side a man. My faithfulness was ultimately to God--trusting His timing & way.

There were so many amazing experiences I had. Ministry and Missions opportunities. Chances to travel and grow and develop as a person and leader. I remember being 21-years old and the Lord speaking so clearly into my heart that I needed to get out there and serve Him—using the gifts and talents He’d put in me for His glory.

So at 21-years old I began volunteering. Not just at my church—I’d be doing that for years already. But I looked for ways to serve beyond the 4-walls of my church and it began to stir such a passion in me for people to learn what their gifts and talents are and to then use them for the glory of God.

I look back, and see so many precious and valuable experiences that I might not have had were I married/with kids.

I want to be careful, because I’ve seen people that are married with kids do more to change the world than some singles I know. It’s all in how you view & steward the season God has you in. Each season is an opportunity to glorify Him. Each season has it’s own challenges that it brings—but regardless you can serve the Lord.

As much as I had lots of opportunities to serve, if there is one thing that I look back and somewhat “regret” it would be the time I wasted chasing things that didn’t really matter.

I spent WAY too much time worrying about when I was going to get married and WHO it was going to be.

I’ve said this before, but the desire to be married is God given! It’s when it becomes the ultimate thing—the goal/idol—that we have a problem.

For years (without realizing it) marriage (the hope for it and the chasing of it) had become and idol and a distraction from the ONE I should be pursuing. I just assumed that what I was desiring was a good thing—therefore it was okay.

Now hear me out, I still very much desire marriage but it’s a healthy desire—not the desperation, idol/goal that it use to be. It's simply that, a desire. One that I try to daily place in the trusting and loving hands of my Heavenly Father who loves me more than anyone ever could & goes before me and knows what and who is best. My prayer is that my desires would line up with His--that I would want His best! If He see's fit to bless me with the joy of being a wife than I'll give him all the glory and praise.


My relationship status has NOTHING to do with whether He's worthy of my worship! He's faithful & good! Loving and Just! Kind and Sovereign! He loves me more than I can imagine. Everything is always sifted through hands of love, that desire to make me/you more and more like Jesus.

That's the goal!

I’ve had people tell me that I seem content being single—it’s not so much that I’m "content" it’s that I don’t treat being single as the worst thing in the world. It’s simple my relationship status—not my identity.

I say all that because I spent a lot of my time in my twenties worrying about that—and I wish I would have put my energies/focus into others things that now I see are more important. Nothing wrong with dating/getting to know something, nothing wrong with a crush. It’s when everything else takes a back seat to that relationship. 

It’s been almost 4-years sense my heart was shattered into a million pieces. I’ve shared it with some, but after a while it was never about the guy, it was about the death of a dream. That might seem dramatic and extreme but that’s what it was for me.

When you spend YEARS (I mean years) praying for something and with ever fiber in your being you believe you have it—then to only have it taken away—the pain that followed was unreal.

Very few people fully knew the depth of why it hurt so bad—very few people really understood why I felt like the enemy came up and sucker punched me right in the gut of my faith. It wasn't necessary that everyone understood either. This was between God and I. For almost 2-years I was breathless, bitter, angry and confused.

It took 2-years for Jesus to put the pieces of my heart back together. In His grace, inch my inch teaching and showing me why it hurt so bad—mostly because I had created an idol, and that idol had to come crashing down.So when it did (because it was so much a part of me) I fell apart with it. 

It was so much deeper than most people with ever know—it’s something only God really understands. To most people it just sounds like, “oh, bad breakup?” “First love?”

To both those questions, the answer is “no.” It was the lose of something much deeper for me—a desire and dream I had crafted in my mind for years of how I thought my life would look at a certain point/age in my life--was having to die.

So, when “this one” fell apart I was just emotionally and spiritually spent. It took me, what felt like a long time, to be able to even pray about that area of my life again—the bitterness ran deep. To be even more frank, the reason I was so mad at God was because I felt like He was holding out on me. Like a spoiled child there was something I  wanted He wasn't giving it to me. So, I was pitching a fit.
I am forever thankful God pursues our ever wandering hearts. He never gives up on us. He loves us even when we're not easy to love. It was during that I realized I had not been asking God to align my desires with His. I had been wanting God to sign off on what I wanted, never coming before Him, my All-Knowing Father, simply open-handed asking Him to place His desires in me. Yeah, that didn't occur to me until a little later in the journey! Thankful for that revelation though, when it did come. 

It was a  long time before I really enjoyed even talking about romantic relationships again. I looked around and everyone else was moving on, and falling in love, getting married and having babies and I was left picking up pieces of a broken heart. Trying to figure out how I was going to get through the day without crying.

God is so faithful!

That's the one thing as I reflect that keeps coming to mind! HE IS FAITHFUL! 

I found myself with open hands and an open heart to allow God to do whatever he wanted. I was an empty canvas. It was at that time that God began to do in my heart what only He could. The second half of my twenties looked very different than the first half. For that I am thankful! I learned to rely on the Lord in new and deeper ways that I wouldn't trade. I took some big risks and chances that I wouldn't have before.

So as I look back, and look forward, I am thankful for lessons learned. I am thankful for chances taken. I am thankful for the broken hearts. I am thankful for a God who mends. A God who pursues. My twenties had some BIG LOWS but some equally if not HIGHER HIGHS!

Simply put it was in my twenties I feel in love...with Jesus! I am thankful for the last (almost) 10-years & look forward to next 10-years and what God has in store. If it's anything life my twenties it won't be short of adventure. Following Jesus is many things, but boring is not one of them. 

Jesus, thank you for your faithfulness!