Single Destination

I haven’t written a blog post on the topic of relationships in a while. There was a season where it’s all I wrote and talked about it seemed. I still enjoy talking about all things love and romance, but I read something tonight that broke my heart. It was a comment I came across under an article that was posted about being single.

The lady made the comment that she never would have imagined herself as 34 and single. She had done all the points that the article talks about and just came to the conclusion that she needs to keep working on her, her relationship with God and serving in her church while she wait for God’s plan to unfold.

That last part is what broke my heart and it’s what I see so many people do, “I’m waiting on God’s plan to unfold…” All the things she is already doing is God’s plan. Marriage is not a destination. It’s not a goal. Marriage is a gift that God entrusts us with for His glory! Yes, marriage is a blessings but it’s not just something to be checked off of our life to-do-list.

The goal of our lives is to glorify Jesus Christ. If that is the goal, then if marriage is part of that overarching goal—to be made more like Christ and point others to him—then it will happen.

I personally think women pass-up a lot of great guys, and guys pass-up a lot of great girls because they don’t fit the image you’ve created in your head of your dream person. I’ve written a blog on this topic before, but if you are living your life waiting on God to bring you someone who you’ve crafted in your mind that is borderline idolatry. There is nothing wrong with standards, we are all attracted to different things, but be careful to not create a life and/or person in your mind and just expect God to sign off on it because “it’s what you want.”

When we treat marriage as the destination and purpose for all of life 

we are miserable until we get it. 

God is so good, he is so faithful, and he knows what’s best. When we truly trust and believe that we can rest in the fact that whatever he gives, takes away, withholds, or causes he to wait, is not because he is mean, it’s because He is good. He knows what we don’t know, He can see what we cannot see. Sometimes the desire is good, but the motivation needs working on. It’s important to never look at marriage as what you need to be complete, yet an opportunity to love and serve another person. Together you join forces for the glory of God—to reflect an image to a lost world of Christ and the Church.

Before you can sink up with someone else know where you’re headed. What is your calling? What is the direction you are headed? We each have a purpose and calling on our lives.

I’m not saying you have to have it all figured out. Every married couple has their story of God’s grace in their relationship—I love that God is the author of romance and I don’t think that there is a one-size fits all approach to dating/relationships. Yes, abide by the standards God has put fourth in His Word, but the how two people (man and women) get from “hello” to “I Do” is different for everyone.

Spend your time just seeking Jesus! I spent so many years trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, why was still single, “I was doing all the stuff.” That was the problem. I thought if I did all the stuff and followed all the rules that God was suppose to give me husband. Doesn’t work like that. Our desire should be to pursue Jesus, serve Him by serving others, and growing in our love and knowledge of Him for no other reason that because He is LORD! Simply because Jesus is who he is he’s worthy of our worship.

All the blessings that come from his hand are just that—blessings. But they are not to be the reason we pursue Him. For many well meaning believers that what has happened. We’ve pursued Jesus as a means to an end—an end to singleness. That is not pursuing Jesus at all. If we are pursuing/serving the Lord Jesus to get something, then the moment we get it we’ll stop pursuing Him. We got what we came for.

But when we truly delight in the Lord, he becomes the very desire of our hearts. The desire to be married and have a family is of God. It’s just keeping those desires in check. Making sure we are not just doing a bunch of stuff in hopes that one day it’ll lead to a husband. Serve the Lord because he’s worthy.

Pray for God to give you a heart to love Him more than anything else on the plant. Eyes fixed on him. Then, in his timing and way, he’ll bring along His best—because it’ll be what’s best for you and that other person. It’ll be better for you to join together than serve apart. It’ll be a true blessing, a gift that God has entrusted you with. Not a goal you fought to achieve-- simply His grace.

Jesus is more than enough. Anything else he gives is nothing more than blessings given from hands of grace, and just because he’s a good God. All the blessings are just crowns we’re going to lay at his feet anyway.

It’s all about Jesus and it’s all for Jesus. 

If you are single, don’t spend all your time focusing on what you lack…focus on what God has given you.

Trust me, I’ve had those lonely nights. I know it can be harder some days than others. But don’t think of God’s plan as something that is going to happen down the road. God’s plan is unfolding right now. This season is part of His plan. Seek the Lord in what He would have you do with it—for His name and renown.