Anchor for my soul

I’m so ticked! Some people eat when they are mad. Some sleep. Some workout (never have understood those people). Some have a fit. Some go shopping—I’ve reverted to that solution once or a dozen times I must admit w/ a side of Starbucks to top it off. But when I’m really ticked...I type. I write. Never long handed if I can help it.

The truth is I’m not sure who I’m mad at, but I’m not just mad for myself. I’m mad for the whole mess of us w/ a pair of X chromosomes. I’m coming to this loving conclusion that we need help. I need help!

I want some soul-deep security drawn from a source that never runs dry and never disparages us for requiring it. We need a place we can go when, as much as we loathe it, we are needy and hysterical sometimes. Not all the time—but sometimes—and we need a place to go that wouldn’t shame us for being that way.

I never write ONE THING out of expertise. I usually write to discover something for myself. Something I myself am yearning for. Even desperate for. I’m a common girl, sharing common problems, seeking common solutions on a journey with an uncommon Savior. If something hurts me, I conclude it probably hurts somebody else too. If something confuses me, I figure it probably confuses somebody else. If something helps me I hope against hope that it might help someone else. After all, no trial has overtaken us that is not faced by others, and God is faithful (1 Cor. 10:13).

What am I mad at? I am sick to death of insecurity. I hate when it raises it’s ugly head in me and I hate when I see it raise it’s ugly head in others. I can’t stand to see girls post picture on instagram (that are nothing more than a cry for attention) out of insecurity. We derive our worth from how many “likes” we can get, or twitter follower we can gain!  It all comes from insecurity. It looks different on everyone, but when it raises it’s ugly head…it will cause us to do things that we would not normally do.

By the grace and power of God I’ve had the joy of winning many battles, some of them against no small foe. I’ve experienced dramatic victories. But I have not won this particular battle…yet! God help me, I am going to.

This one is sinister & deeply woven into the fabric of my female soul to deal with amid a bagful of other strongholds. We're all a work in progress. I've never claimed to have it all together, or all figured out. I'm learning as I go and grow! 

Anytime I’ve heard a guy tell me or any girl to not be so insecure I want to bunch him in the face! If it were that easy don't you think we would "get over it" as you say?! 

You really think we woke up that day and thought I think I’ll just act out of insecurity today? NOPE! No one does that! We've got to become aware of the root of our actions, and many of our actions are rooted in nothing but insecurity…we’re just not always aware of it.

This whole post has been in the works for quite some time. Each time I have gone to write it, the weight, but also simplicity of the answer felt like too much. Tonight however, I am going to tackle it  in faith and pray that what I share here will be of some help. That it will shed some light. The whole topic of this blog came about after I arrived back in Jacksonville after a trip home to Atlanta.

I laid in my bed, and looked up at the ceiling and asked God, what does it mean to be secure? I’ve read the books, I know the truth, what is the key to being a secure women?

As I prayed the Lord gave me one word, “Anchor.”

What I began to discover has played like a broken record in my heart and mind since.

And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised. People swear by someone greater than themselves, and the oath confirms what is said and puts an end to all argument. Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath. God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek. –Heb. 6:15-20 

The cure to our insecurities is in the answer to this one question. Where is our anchor?

The very definition of “Anchor” means to secure the craft so that is won’t be swept away by winds or currents.

Jesus told a story in (Matt. 7:24-27) that reminds us it matters what/who we build our life on—it matters what/who is our anchor.

 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.

Jesus is the only place to find true security. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Never changing. I don’t know about you but sometimes I want something tangible to help me feel secure! Here is the beauty…we have something tangible. The Word of God!

After Abraham had waited patiently he received what was promised…looking back at how God was faithful then is a reminder to us now that God’s promises are secure. He is faithful. He is unshaken! 

The reason SO MANY OF US are insecure is because we are looking to insecure things (not secure) things or people to make us feel secure…and then we wonder why we feel insecure!!

There is a reason we are told in Prov. 31 that “beauty is fleeting…” It's one of the many things that change, and therefore cannot be our source of security. If you think all you have to offer is a pretty face and a great body what happens when you don't have those things (in your mind) anymore? What if all you have to offer (in your mind) is your talent? What happens if you couldn't sing or dance anymore? 

I love how Ps. 33:15-22 (NLT) says it:

He made their hearts,
so he understands everything they do. The best-equipped army cannot save a king,
nor is great strength enough to save a warrior. Don’t count on your warhorse to give you victory—for all its strength, it cannot save you. But the Lord watches over those who fear him, those who rely on his unfailing love. He rescues them from death
and keeps them alive in times of famine. We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name. Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord,
for our hope is in you alone.

Even the “best-equipped army cannot save…”

Even the best-equipped husband, best job, best body, best house, best friends, best family, best education, best financial plan best church, best (fill in the blank) cannot save you, cannot save me! It’s a false hope, a false sence of security. If our hope is not in Christ alone…we are going to feel unstable! 

We have a hope that is firm a secure--an ANCHOR for our souls—that is Jesus Christ. That is the Word of God, the promises of God!

If you are a real, live, honest-to-goodness secure women…you didn’t arrive there by accident. None of us will!

I’ll do another post about how often women try to derive they worth from men, because nothing is more baffling than our attempt to derive our womanhood from our men. We use guys like mirrors to see if we’re valuable. Beautiful. Desirable. Worthy of notice. Viable. We try to read their expressions and moods in order to determine whether it’s time to act smart and hard to get or play dumb and needy. Don’t tell me we don’t have man issues!

Let’s face it. Men want us to get a grip anyway. They don’t like the pressure of being in charge of our sense of value. It’s too much for them. The candid ones will gladly admit it, and for those who don’t, you’ll know it by the flapping of their shirts in the wind as they run for their lives.

I’m embarrassed to say that I know this fact from personal experience. No, it’s not my normal approach but sometimes life offers me such a monumentally irresistible opportunity to act like an idiot that I cave.

Are we honestly going to insist on drawing our security from people—male or female—who are oblivious to the inordinate amount of weight we give to their estimation of is? Seriously? Maybe others in our lives are not so clueless. Maybe they revel in the power they hold over is. Either way, are we just going to live our lives hurt and offended? The thought is exhausting! The reality is ultimately debilitating.

Maybe I’m furious at my own self for even needing any part of this journey for myself. How could I need anything else in this world beyond what I already have? Lord, have mercy!

I don’t know about you, but I need someone to love me when I hate myself. And yes, someone who will love me again and again until I kiss this earth good-bye. Life is too hard and the world too mean for many of us to grasp a lofty sense of acceptance, approval, and affirmation early on and keep hold of it the rest of our lives…come what may. 

Circumstances abruptly change, and setbacks happen. Relationships unexpectedly end. Or, just as cataclysmically begin. Schools change. Friends change. Jobs change. Offenses happen. Betrayals happen. Tragedies happen. Engagements end. Marriages begin. Kids come. Kids go. Health wanes. Seasons change. An old situation creeping is in a new season of our life can be more complicated than ever. We can think we’ve murdered that monster once and for all, and then it rises from the dead and it has grown another head.

As if the battle isn’t hard enough, we sabotage ourselves, submerging ourselves with self-condemnation like a submarine filling with water. How often do we think to ourselves, I should be handling this better? So is it okay to ask why we’re not? Like, what’s at the root of that ugly knee-jerk reaction?

No matter how much we might hate to admit it, those knee-jerk reactions/emotions, those actions that cry for attention and acceptance, come from a place looking for security.

Look back at Ps. 33. “Let your unfailing love surround us…”

Unfailing Love! God’s love will never fail you! Even the “best-equipped” will fail you. That’s’ not meant to make us distrusting…just means let people off the hook.

We have this anchor for our souls, firm and secure. So why do we look everywhere but there?

It won’t happen over night for you or I. We are all about quick fixes in our world today. This is not a quick fix. This is a daily choice of immersing ourselves in the Word of God. Choosing to allow Christ to be our Anchor. That way when the winds come and currents rise…because they will. Change is inevitable. We remain secure and steadfast. Not in and of ourselves, and our false attempts to derive security from insecure things…but in Christ…our hope is secure!!