Surely, he will love me now...

 I want to ask you a question today, what is it you feel like you lack that you think would make you complete?  What is it? What is it you really want? What is your chief desire right now? Because this is what I'm going to tell you and then I'm going to demonstrate it to you in scripture. Right there in that place you are vulnerable. We all have desires. We all have longings.  We all have yearnings, nothing wrong with that. I'm simply telling you that that is going to be the point of warfare in the heavenlies over your sweet life. I want you to trace back to the point right now at this season and your journey with God, what is it you lack?  Because it needs guarding.

I want to tell you something I think is the coolest thing. I want to read to you out of John chapter one; the gospel of John chapter one.  You can turn if you want to but I'm going to read it right away to you and it is just brief. I want you to know that according to the gospel of John, the very first words that he heard out of the mouth of the Christ that he recorded for us -- first red letter words in the gospel of John -- first words out of Christ's mouth, "What is it you want?" King James version, "What seek ye?" I find it very interesting.  The first words out of his mouth and he is asking, what is it you want? What is it you're looking for? What is the point of your yearning? What is the point of your desires? Right there, right at that point, what is it?  Because that is where the war is.

Nothing wrong with those yearnings, nothing wrong with many of our desires, but they need guarding.  They need what the Word of God would call "sanctifying." They need God watching over them. They need us being careful over them. Watch over your heart with all diligence, "from it flows the fount of life," the writer of Proverbs wrote. What are your chief desires? I want you to look back at 30, verse one, Genesis 30, verse one where she says to Jacob, Rachel says to Jacob, "Give me children or I'll die." I wonder today, what is it you just think you're going to die if you don't get. That is just perfect drama for women because that is exactly the way we talk. I'm just going to die if I don't get this. I'm telling you, it will kill me if I don't get this. Maybe a single woman is going, I'm telling you, I mean if he doesn't come, I'm just going to die! If God does not bring him into my life it is just going to kill me. If I don't have children it is just going to kill me! If this vocation doesn't come through, it is just going to kill me! Think about the drama. Boy, we're always talking in life about what is just going to kill us if we don't get. Very interesting answer Jacob gives, "Am I in the place of God?" 

One of the things God wants to address in us is every single time we put somebody else in the position to give us what only God can supply, who are we putting in the place, who are we making responsible for our earthly happiness?  Because they're never going to cut it. I'm going to tell you something, there ain't -- to every man listening, there isn't a woman on earth that is just going to make you happy. To every woman, there is no man on earth that is just going to make you happy. If you are unhappy when you meet him, you are going to be unhappy when you get him. Because unhappiness is just in here. You understand what I'm saying? No person can heal that for us. We'll think it for ten minutes.  And then they disappoint us so, because they didn't come through. They did not turn out to be God for us. It never works! It never works! 

"Am I in the place of God," he says?  

Who is it we're holding responsible for giving us what only God can deliver?  I want you to look for just a moment. I want you to think this through because here is what God began to show me...what begins with desire, might even be a healthy desire, I mean most women want to have a life mate they can call their very own and no one else's. You would think that would have been either one of those woman's rights. Many women want to have children. I think that can be the frustrating thing when you're thinking, I'm not asking, Lord, anything from you that you have not done for millions of other people. Do you understand what I'm saying? Do you see how some bitterness can get in here? Nothing wrong with those kinds of desires. A lot of the ones you may be thinking about when I ask you, what are your chief longings right now?  There may be nothing wrong with them.  But what I am saying, is if they are not guarded and watched after, I want you to understand your enemy, as well as your God are watching very carefully over the area of your desires because you are volatile there -- you are volatile there. And if unguarded, desire turns into desperation.  

 I just wonder, can anybody testify to that? I won't make you get up and give a testimony but boy, I bet we could give some. When desire somehow begins to twist and turn and it turns into full desperation and I just wonder, maybe it is just me but I just wonder how many of you have made really good decisions out of desperation? Some of the worst decisions I have ever made in my life, desperation does not make good decisions. You can take that one to the bank with you. Desperation does not make good decisions.

I have told many a young woman and you hear me well, a mysterious side invariably is a dark side. You hear what I'm saying to you? And gentlemen, this can be just as true of a woman. You beware because what you're thinking is that little bad boy/bad girl side that somehow attracts you is the most dangerous thing you have ever tangled with! We think that God would just withhold something from us because he is just that kind of God? He just gets a kick out of being the boss. Going no, and slapping us with a flyswatter, every single thing we reach out for that we think would be fun. Slaps us -- slaps us! Is that the kind of God that we think we have?  Or does he say to us, I know what is right for you.

"Don't let your desire to be loved and feel affection cloud your judgment ...” Our value in God? That we are not meant to settle for something and make a decision out of desperation. I beg you if you are not married, you do not make a marital decision out of desperation. That is no way to think. You are not ready to think that through yet. Wait until you can think straight. You ask God to fill you with his spirit, to fill up every empty, broken place in you and then you see how you feel about that situation. But not until you feel the completion of him. Not as long as you just got that empty gaping void in your life that you're looking for someone to fill. No, you wait! You ask God to fill it up.  Make me whole in you, make me sense your presence in me, make me complete in you and then see what is it I want in a mate? What is it I want in this situation? What is it I'm looking for? Now I've realized as I'm writing this to that many of you are already married. You go, I mean it is too late. God to perform miracles over a marriage.  But I'm just saying to you, and I'm not just saying, I'm willing to beg. I'm willing to beg. Don't go do this. If you haven't already, don't! Don't make decisions out of desperation. Desperation does not make good decisions.

The Word of God says that for every single one of us who have received Jesus Christ as our personal savior, we are the temple of the very spirit of the living God.

Romans chapter eight says you have the spirit of Christ in you. The spirit of Christ -- anybody understand what I'm saying to them? The spirit of Jesus Christ lives in you. A wonderful thing to think about, the sense of value you have when you are carrying a child but I've got one bigger than that -- every day of your sweet little life, if you are in Jesus Christ you are housing the very spirit of Christ. Let that sense of value skyrocket in you.  And you feel insignificant and I feel insignificant?  You feel insecure and I feel insecure? What in the world is the enemy getting through to us? You think you don't have value? You're walking around with the very spirit of Christ in you. Every step you take, every place you go, every relationship you engage in, he never leaves you nor forsakes you. 

That, my darling, is a sense of significance.

 I want you to see with me further.  Watch now as we walk through the names of these babies together. Let's go back to Leah. Let's go back to 29, verse 32.  Anybody find this interesting but me? I just think this is intriguing.

“Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben for she said, it is because the Lord has seen my misery.  Surely my husband will love me now.” (emphasis mine)

 Rueben means "see a son." That is the straightest translation we could come up with. Reuben means -- every single one of these after she gives the name and then she gives the description, the description is telling you what the name means in the Hebrew language. This one means "see a son."  Because the Lord has seen my misery, surely my husband will love me now.

I find it interesting in the Word biblical commentary that they translate verse 32 not "the Lord has seen my misery" but "the Lord has seen my oppression." They will tell us from a scholarly point of view that that's one of the best translations of that Hebrew word. Isn't that interesting? Because, Surely they will love me now… you talk oppression, sweet thing, I don't know if oppression gets more serious than that.

When we are in the trap of I've got to have them love me, I've got to have them love me, I've got to have them love me. I want you to think much further than a romantic interest -- much further than a spouse. Anyone whose love we're trying to win. In fact, if you've got something to write -- jot something down on, if you can grab a piece a paper I want you -- I think in very visual terms and I want you to see it in black and white. I want you to write this down.

Surely, ________ will love me now!  

Who would you write in that blank? Whose love are we desperate to win? Listen, it could still be a parent. You could be 50 years old still trying to get your 75-year-old parent to demonstrate affection to you. Oh, don't tell me that doesn't happen -- I know it does. I know it does. It could be a boss that you just want their approval so badly you don't know what to do. Whoever it may be, it could be a child, it could be a stepchild you just keep trying to win. A friend, a mentor --A hero -- a hero. We can get a fixation on someone that we just know somehow, if they loved me, if they would acknowledge me I would be complete. What would it take? Surely, surely they will pay attention to me now. Surely, he will love me now. Surely, she will approve of me now. Who is it we're trying to win? Boy, that's oppression. That is a trap.

That is a way to be as bound in a stronghold as you will ever find yourself when you are absolutely sure that some other human being is necessary for you to be complete, for you to be validated.

Translation of "surely he will love me now" in our terms would be "what can I do?"  It wouldn't be necessarily having a baby. It could be -- I've certainly seen that kind of thing happen but I'm talking about much broader in context. What this by concept is teaching us is what could I do --  what thing could I do for her --was have his son. What would it be for us? What could I do to make that person love me? Sleep with him? Just think, if I'm going to keep him I'm going to have to sleep with him. Maybe you feel a little uncomfortable saying it in a sanctuary setting?  Is that fair to say? Surely, I'm obviously going to have to or I'm not going to keep him. Lie to him? I cannot tell him the truth about this, so if I'm going to keep him I'm going to have to lie to him.

Lie to her. Act just so, dress just so, work just so, do things -- be better at sports, better at that instrument.  More successful, more attractive, more beautiful…

Because every woman is a Leah when it all comes down. There is always someone prettier than Rachel.

That's the thing about it. We just almost have it. What is it we're doing here, girls?

In trying to attain perfection, we lose all distinctiveness.

I'm going to tell you from a distance, one of my Bible study girls will know it is me because this is my profile. It’s me! It is part of what makes me look different than somebody else standing next to me.  It ‘s me! I like it. I didn't for a long time. But it is part of what makes me look different than somebody else. What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we trying to attain? It is such a trap. Because there will still always be somebody prettier, somebody smarter, somebody more successful, somebody sexier, and very quickly, somebody younger.

I'm going to ask you what you're going to think about somebody acting to your man like you're acting to that man, because you will reap what you sow. God help us all. God help us all. Let's not do what we do not want done to us. Let's take great care not to do to others what we do not want done to us. I love Galatians 1:10. You can sit tight or you can turn if you want to.

I want you to hear the words of Galatians 1:10. They speak to me, I think of them so often. And it says these words, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men -- or of women -- or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I was still trying to please men I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Understand what the Apostle Paul is saying under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, he is saying that anyone I try to win the approval of, anybody's approval I'm trying to win, I have become a servant to. You know what? You better make it Christ you're bound to because he is the only one you can be a servant to and be bound to and be free. 

I'm not saying there aren't people we don't love and hope love us and hope like us. I'm simply saying, when we are all about seeking their approval we're going to be in a mess. I don't want to have to seek -- constantly know, do you really love me today? How exhausting. Anybody else know what I'm talking about? You know they would be happier if we quit that. You know who Christy Nockles is? I heard her being quoted one time as saying, "Men are not drawn to needy, hysterical women." Whoa! I thought, okay, this woman heard what you said and it is the truth -- it is the truth.

Pastor Greg Mattes of First Baptist Houston said one time in a sermon, "God's approval is a whole lot easier to get than man's." I thought it was profound. It is not near as hard on us. Doesn't change his opinion; hasn't changed how he feels about us.  Doesn't have a new opinion about it tomorrow, he is the same God yesterday, today, and forever. You hope it works out, hope people love you, hope people like you, hope people approve, but to set out to seek that, surely they will love me now... Baby, that is such a trap; it is one that Jesus wants you & I out of.