Taking Back My Life

“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Matt 10:39

Inspiration really can come from anywhere and tonight it came from the most least likely of places.

For whatever reason on Saturday nights I cannot sleep. I am not quite sure why since I know I have to get up in the morning to go to church, but my mind and body seem to not communicate very well on Saturday nights about this simple fact I decided that I would hop on iTunes and go on the search for some new music.

I already had a few songs in mind that I had been itching to buy and so I immediately went and bought and downloaded those songs. After that I just decided to wonder around. I don’t quite remember how I came across this artist, but it was American Idol contestant Kimberly Cardwell. I remember being such a fan of hers when she was on the show because I simply loved her raspy, rock voice.

Oh, side-note deep down I think I just want to be a cool rocker chick—that might have been another reason I was a big fan of hers. She exemplified my definition of an awesome rock-chick, but I digress.

I saw that she had a new album out and so I clicked on her album and settled in to take a listen to it. From the first song I already knew I was going to enjoy it. It was the style of music that I liked—alternative/rock-pop-- plus the songs were beautifully written.

As a writer and lover of music I pay special attention, probably more than most, to the lyrics in songs, and even more so I long to know what inspired the person who wrote it. As I listened to each song I began to pick up on the fact that some guy had obviously done her wrong at some point along the way. When it got to the song, Taking Back My Life my mind almost immediately, as the song preview started playing, pulled Matt 10:39 to the forefront of my thoughts.

I didn’t know it was Matt 10:39 at that moment. I just had this sentence playing like a broken record in my mind as I tried to listen to the song in its entirety, “taking your life back means laying it down.” 

But I knew what that statement meant—the Lord was saying, If you want to “take your life back” you have to realize it is not your life. To find real life you have to lay yours down. 

Throughout the song Kimberly talks about a breakup and how hurt she was. She was coming to term with the fact that she was the only one really hurting in this situation and that this person was not going to change their mind. She was left to pick up the pieces alone, but how now she finds herself stronger than she has ever been and is taking back her life.

When I look at surrender and how I had to learn to lay down my dreams—when I had to come to terms with the fact that what I always “dreamed” would be my future was not going to be my future you talk about picking up some pieces. I am not talking about a guy. God used him as a tool to get me to a place a true surrender. But, unfortunately it took some major brokenness for me to get there. I still find myself at times grieving, not a guy, but a dreamed up life. I am not alone in this, every girl has one--but for the first time I am daily having to surrender all my hopes and dreams to the Lord. Letting Him dream for me and placing those dreams in my heart! The life I desire looks very different than what I thought I wanted for 26 years. I idolized a life--not a guy. 

When the pieces of my picture frame came crashing to the ground I was not left alone to pick up those pieces, but in learning to take back my life I was going to have to loose my life. Surrender all my dreams, all my plans, all my hopes, everything. I was not laying them at the feet of a God who didn’t care—I was laying them at the feet of my loving Savior who has always wanted what is best for me. Even that term, “what is best for me” came to mean something completely different than I always thought it meant.

In taking my life back I was being called to loose it—for something better.

To find your life, you are going to have to lose it for the sake of Christ. Only then do you find True Life. Not just in eternity, but while you are here on earth. You find true purpose, worth and value. You discover what God has you on this earth to do for his glory. You have joy and peace amongst the chaos. You discover what life really is all about…but it takes you and I laying down our lives at the feet of a Sovereign God who lavishly loves us and trusting Him with our lives—not an area of our lives—but the whole thing!