Good Friends are Intentional

A Good Friend is Intentional- they make the effort to stay connected

Have you ever encountered a women, who at one time was one of your best friends, and thought to yourself: “What in the world happened to that friendship? We used to be so close.” You two didn’t fight or argue. You didn’t split over baggage. Nope, the only answer could be the simple truth that you two drifted apart.

Drift seems to be the number-one cause of friendship decline. There are a couple of reasons we slowly move away from our friends. First, life guarantees change. In our fast-paced world change is constant. Just as the movement of a river erodes the bank, so the movement of life can erode the closeness of two friends.

Many common life transitions cause friendships to drift apart:
-graduation
-marriage
-motherhood
-pregnancy
-Infertility
-career change
-illness
-Death of relatives
-Geographical move

We all undergo a series of profound transitions in the course of our lives. On average, graduates move six times after college, and the typical distance between friends in 895 miles. In addition to geography, friendships are affected by new romances, new family member, and new career demands. Each of these scenarios can initiate the relational drift.

The reason many friendships drift apart in because few people take the initiative to stay connected. To plan actively and purposely to keep a friendship alive takes effort. Sometimes it feels easier just to let the relationship slip away

How do you maintain a friendship in the midst of the pressure of life transitions? One thing God has challenged me with in the last few years is to be intentional. Each day is a gift. Each relationship is a gift. Each new opportunity is a gift from God. My job is to learn how to manage and steward these blessings. This includes the gift of friendship.


Jesus modeled an intentional lifestyle. He knew His life purpose, and He lives each day on a mission. Jesus was also intentional about His relationships, and as Scripture reveals, He places a high priority on them. Alan McGinnis observes this same character trait in those who are deeply loved: “As I’ve watched those who are deeply loved, I’ve noticed they all regard people as a basic source of happiness. Their companions are very important to them, and no matter how busy their schedule, they have developed a lifestyle and a way of dispensing their time that allows them to have several profound relationships. On the other hand, in talking to lonely persons I often discover that, though they lament their lack of close companions, they actually place little emphasis on the cultivation on friends.”


When we are blessed with a close, deep, and true friend, then we must be intentional about maintaining and cultivating that relationship. How do we do this? First, we must recognize that staying connected requires time. One thing God has challenged me to do is to be proactive and to plan for time to see my friends. With the craziness of life, If I don’t plan ahead for lunches, dinners, walks, coffee dates, and girls night out, then I will wake up one day, nursing hurt feelings, and questioning why I never see my friends. In order to keep our relationships alive, we must be intentional with our time.

The second aspect of intentional friendship is easy: TALK! This is one thing we do really well as girls. To keep the friendship burning brightly, we must intentionally communicate and share what is going on in our lives. Here are a few practical ways to avoid friendship drift:

-Be the one to pick up the phone and makes the plans. Don’t wait for your friends to call, to invite, to initiate time together
-When life gets crazy busy, establish a monthly or quarterly night out. Mark it on the calendar ahead of time so that everyone can plan accordingly
-Plan a weekend getaway or vacation with your best friends once a year
- Multitask! If you need to run errands, invite a friend. A spontaneous trip to Target is a great outing and is a great use to time.
-Married women, don’t forget your single friends. They still want to see you
-Single women, don’t forget your married friends. They still want to see you

With today’s technology and travel accessibility, life transitions no longer need to signal the end of a good friendship. Be intentional! Take the steps and make the effort to spend time together and communicate.

Source: Girlfriends GuideBook By: Marian Jordan