Unrush My Heart

"When can't see what He's doing, healing comes from remembering who He is."- Kelly Minter

Do you very feel like time is just ticking away? This since that you’re running out of time? Have you ever just felt rushed in your spirit? Not anxious but rushed? Like, there is so much to do and so little time in which to do it. There is so much you desire and want to accomplish but for some reason you have all these other prerequisites before you can even get started?

I hope this doesn’t come across sad or discouraging, but simply thought provoking.

Ever tried to do too much too soon? As we speak I am typing this on my phone while waiting on a friend for lunch, then going into work on my “off day”. I still need to study for a test I’m not sure I’ll ever feel ready for, and in the midst of that I’m trying to find more ways to serve in my church and looking for a second part-time job so I can save and pay off my credit card, all while praying for a full-time job come fall or spring next year all while finishing school!

Anyone else exhausted! I’m exhausted typing all that’s going on in my brain.

Just the other day my best friend and I (on the phone) had to look at our calendars to try and find a time to hangout because we’ve hardly seen each other in three months. She joked, “Has it really come to this? We have to schedule each other in?”

When I stop and look at my current reality: school, part-time job, going/serving in my church. Yes there is this sense that I should be and dare I say I want to be doing more.

Why?

I’m still fighting this battle of the “perfect image.” This ideal life I’m suppose to have at 28-years old. Life looks NOTHING like what I thought it would, and it’s probably one of the hardest pills for me to swallow. Daily trusting God with what I don’t understand. This season is a blessings, but hard at the same time.

It’s frustrating because I feel as though I am playing catch up and I think that’s what exhausting. I feel like time is ticking and I need to hurry up, but I can only do so much.

How’d I go from the girl who was at everything at church and knew everyone to hardly being able to get out of bed on a Sunday? What happened?

What I sense from the Lord is the words: steps. Baby steps. One step at a time. Don’t try and run up the whole stair case at once. One step at a time. Each step of the way allowing Him to breathe new life into me. Some steps are more humbling than others, some are harder than others, but each step forward is just that…forward.

Learning not to rush. Learning the one who holds time holds me. He knows the plan, and he’s walking with me each step  of the way.

This is a season of fresh foundation, new framing going up in my life, and being brought back to life.

Psalm 34 

I will bless the Lord at all times;
    his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
² My soul makes its boast in the Lord;
    let the humble hear and be glad.
³ Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
    and let us exalt his name together!

⁴ I sought the Lord, and he answered me
    and delivered me from all my fears.
⁵ Those who look to him are radiant,
    and their faces shall never be ashamed.
⁶ This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
    and saved him out of all his troubles.
⁷ The angel of the Lord encamps
    around those who fear him, and delivers them.

⁸ Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
    Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
⁹ Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
    for those who fear him have no lack!
¹⁰ The young lions suffer want and hunger;
    but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

¹¹ Come, O children, listen to me;
    I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
¹² What man is there who desires life
    and loves many days, that he may see good?
¹³ Keep your tongue from evil
    and your lips from speaking deceit.
¹⁴ Turn away from evil and do good;
    seek peace and pursue it.

¹⁵ The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous
    and his ears toward their cry.
¹⁶ The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
    to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
¹⁷ When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears
    and delivers them out of all their troubles.
¹⁸ The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
    and saves the crushed in spirit.

¹⁹ Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
    but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
²⁰ He keeps all his bones;
    not one of them is broken.
²¹ Affliction will slay the wicked,
    and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
²² The Lord redeems the life of his servants;
    none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.