Grow Up

Just because it looked godly, doesn’t mean that it was. It wasn’t until “I” thought I had it all figured out that I quickly realized I didn’t. I needed some humbling and badly--that humbling came with some embarrassment too, but never the less I took the humbling. We can either humble ourselves or God can humble us, but he will not use us filled with pride and arrogance.

I sat across from a dear friend and heard words that didn’t pierces until a few weeks later when what was said hit me like knife. He is the kind of person who is 90% of the time,right…even if in the moment I don’t see or even understand it; eventually he is (most of the time, but not all) proven right.

God stopped me dead in my tracks and showed me that I had been running full speed ahead after my own dreams, never ONCE humbling myself before Him and asking if what I wanted and was chasing was even what he wanted. I just wanted Him to bless it.

With repentance came a time of refreshing and eye opening to see things in my heart that were anything but godly, and learning to call those things what they are…sin. My good works are nothing but filthy rages. They are nothing to brag about. My service needs to and should flow from a heart of love. Not a place of longing for acceptance. Wanting to be liked so bad that I would do just about anything to gain people approval of me and scared to death to lose face. But the very things that I was always so terrified of happening to me are the very things that have, because my sin needed a spotlight shown on it. There were things rooted in my life that God did not plant there and they needed uprooting.

The other night I prayed, “Lord sometimes I just wish this wasn’t so hard. It’s always something. It’s exhausting. If I am honest, there are days I want to wake up and just have it altogether already.” Anybody else?

But its daily allowing ourselves to be chisealed by God. Allowing him to chiseal away everything that doesn’t look like his son. Some of those dreams I had over a year ago are still there, but I am having to learn to daily give those to God and simply be surrendered to Him and to go and do what He would ask…not chasing “Brittney’s dreams.” But praying that my dreams and desires would line up with God’s dreams for me.

Last night I couldn’t sleep and so I put in the old Disney Classic “Peter Pan,” it’s one of my favorites. There was something Wendy said that I just kind of giggled at, she said “I have to grow up tomorrow.” Peter’s response, “Grow up?”

There are some realities in our lives that are hard to face, but part of becoming the person God has called us to be in Christ…becoming mature believers…is learning to face some hard truths about ourselves. Taking that discipline given in love and allow for it to accomplish what it was sent to go.

We did a series back in the fall at Pillars called, “Grow Up” and it was on the book of James. It was all about becoming a mature believer, but with that comes having to face some hard truths.

I’ve finally taken the steps back and steps down I needed too. Excepted the humbling’s as the gifts they are. I cannot undo things that were down or the consequence my own sin caused, but I’m finally learning to grow up—to still believe God for big things, but not to chase the big things. To grow up and realize it’s a process and I still have so much to learn…be willing to learn but also be willing to step out in faith when Jesus calls!

It’s a fine balance! I don’t want to be like Peter Pan…never facing reality and to scared to grow up. I want that balance between having my feet in reality, but dare to dream and pray Big prayers all the while being faithful to what has been put in front of me. It’s not chasing greater things, but allowing God to use me for great things for His glory. Not so I can get applause, but simple a desire to see people know Jesus and love Him! Finally learning to grow up!