Relationships...are not all about you!

I can't take credit for what you are about to read. This is taken from a blog post I read back in 2009 or 2010. It was written in 2006 though. I printed it out and since I first read it it's something I find myself referring back to as a reminder that relationships (of all kinds) are not about me. This post was taken from a blog called Relationships are about God, not me (talking about all kinds of relationships: family, friends, romantic...etc) I'd looked and looked but haven't been able to find the blog, but I wanted to share this straight forward wisdom with you. I love people that just shot straight, thats probably why I love this post. It's full of truth...but it's real-talk! This is not the entire post. This is (Part 1) I guess you could say. This part is about marriage. But, I want to add a disclaimer. Girls, your boyfriend is NOT your husband. What is written below is good for you to know now, but I've been really convicted lately to make sure girls understand that your boyfriend is not your spiritual leader!!! Just because it's about marriage doesn't mean you ignore it, take in that wisdom and store it up. But if you are dating someone (I don't care how serious you are) that is not your husband or wife yet and so therefore the roles of husband and wife DO NOT apply in a dating relationship! Dating is simply a season of  intentionally getting to know a person of the opposite sex in order to decided whether you want to move forward in a relationship that will lead to marriage. Your not marriage, yet! LOL. Another post for another day! Okay, moving on!

I hope that you get just as much out of this as I do each time I read it. It's such a reminder about what relationships (of all kinds) but specifically the marriage relationship was never created for us to use for selfish reasons. 

We know that everything about us, a part from God is selfish and wicked.

Jeremiah 17:9

“the heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely,  mortally sick! Who can know it [perceive, understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind]?

Anything we do “in the flesh” that comes natural to us, will end up in ruin, because our motives will always be self-serving. So, it is not terribly shocking that we have taken something that God created…relationships between people and husband/wife and turned them away from being a God thing…and turned the into a “me thing.”

What are the selfish reasons we enter relationships?

How can this make me happy?

How can this fulfill me, complete me?

How can this fill a need in me?

How can this keep me from being lonely?

How cab this make me feel like I’m loved?

God says in Colossians 3:10 that we are to do EVERYTHING in life with God’s glory, not our glory, in mind. God says that relationships are supposed to be all about Him…not us. Yet, every one of us has to admit that our relationships are seldom about anyone besides ourselves! When considering that Christ’s last prayer was for unity…there seems to be something TERRIBLY wrong with this!

ME CENTERED SPOUSE HUNTING

If women were really looking for a one-day marriage that brought God honor and glory, we would not be running after this illusion of romance and love that we are so bent on obtaining.

Running after a feeling, after the dream of a relationship means we are pursuing our own selfish fulfillment. If we were looking at a man the way Christ looks at him…and that’s only at HIS HEART,

(1 Sam 16:7, NLT) our motives and desires would be different

God says He does not look at the things we look at…He looks at the heart. Many of you are passing up a church full of Godly men because they are not good looking enough or wooing you off  your feet. They are not making you have goose bumps and hot flashes. They aren’t making you weak in the knees.

One day God is going to judge your husband according to the way He loved you. And do you know what God says husband-love is?

First, let me tell you what it is not!

It is not a love that brings you flowers or remembers your birthday. That’s nice…and praise God, it happens…but that’s not it.

It is not a love that makes you feel silly and goofy

That’s nice…and praise God, sometimes it happens. But that’s not it either.

It is not a love that makes you “feel” anything.

It’s a love that makes you “look” like someone

JESUS

God says that your husband is supposed to love you in one way…with a sanctifying kind of love. WOW! When I finally got that it changed what I looked for and what really matters at the end of the day!

Let’s break it down!

God is love.

Lost people do not even know how to love if they don’t know God.

So, anything that lost people think about love is probably WRONG and distorted. So, don't take your queues on what is love and what it looks like from the world!

If we are running after the “love” that we paid $7 to see on the big screen, we are running after a lie…an illusion!

And, if after seeing those movies, we find ourselves depressed and unsatisfied, its because we have just fed our flesh a big plate of trash!

We may need to stop feeding the flesh something that makes us sin (feel sad, lonely, depressed).

Here is what God says about love:

In Ephesians 5, God says husband’s love is judged in ONE WAY…did our husbands present us as a radiant bride, without spot or blemish?

Did he hold you accountable to God’s Word even when you were ugly and unteachable?

Did he do it even when it make you mad?

This take a real man! Most men are too wimpy to love like God demands!

Most of you are running after a love that amounts to nothing.

If you are looking for a man who will always make you feel good about yourself, you’re running after a pansy of a man. Your value and worth is settled in Christ. He (boyfriend/husband) may and should echo what God has already spoken over you, but he probably will not do it daily…haha! He doesn’t give you your value and worth. You have to already have the truth of who you are and whose you are settle in your heart, first!

Why do you think you need to be in a relationship?

Is it because you desperately want someone to hold you accountable to God’s Word so you can grow even more in your relationship with Christ? Or is it because you are lonely, you want a romance rush, or you want someone to make you feel some way you aren’t feeling right now? Remember…we’ve already settled that those are GOD’s jobs…and He is a pro at what He does.

Are your motives selfish or God-centered?

Marriage is about God taking two people who are busy bring Him glory with their lives independently and making them one flesh for His glory. Your oneness with your spouse…not how much you giggle…not how good looking you are together…not what beautiful babies you will have…not how great your  new last name sounds with your first name…your ONENESS is what will bring God glory.