Dating?

The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. – (1 Corinthians 7:4)

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.- Gen 2:24

Just some food for thought…

I am one of those people that just love to really sit and think about why we do some of the things we do, and why we say some of things we say. I am not quite sure when it started…maybe it’s just the student in me that likes to ask questions and find out the answers. One of things I love to do it throw out an idea to my best friend (i.e. question, thought, tradition, concept…etc) and ask the question: "why do we do…?"

Well, tonight was no exception…and for some reason I decide to be Miss. Deep-Thinker when she has been up since 5:30am…but being the amazing best friend she is…she humors me.

So I threw out this question/ thought: when you really think about, when you are dating someone they are not “yours.” You are not married to that person, and so “technically” you can’t sit there and claim them as “mine” until you are married, right? So why do we treat dating relationships like they are a marriage covenant?

Disclaimer: I am not saying I am right or wrong…it is just a question or thought to make you think. In this case…make Jacinta and I think.

Jacinta and I talked about how our moms' , back in the day, would go on dates with two or three different guys in one weekend. Dating was not taken as seriously as it is now. I am not talking about being in a serious relationship headed towards marriage, I am talking about there are some girls and even guys that go on a few dates with a person and then act like they own them or something. Like, they belong to them and no one else can have them.

That person is not your property. You are not married to them…therefore they do not belong to you. 

I see it a lot with girls ,and again even some guys; when they are in a dating relationship they become very ummm…what’s the word? Oh yeah, possessive, controlling, jealous…etc. You get the idea.

There is always a deeper issue at hand I have found

Beth Moore did a message a few years back at the Passion Conference (All Girls Breakout) on the topic of Insecurity.

One of the things she talked about is that for girls we tend to act that way because we feel that person is threatening something.

What do you feel like they are threatening?

Lets go deeper. It’s not just that guy you don't want to loose…its what you think you will have or have with that guy. What you think you will loose. The future (you have planned in your head. Every girl does it). Maybe you derive your worth and value from him...etc. It's when we feel threatened that the claws come out. (Again, I am not talking about marriage, or a real serious relationship. Just dating.)  

All that controlling, possessiveness, jealousy comes from nothing but the ugly root of insecurity.

Personal definition of dating: intentionally spending time with a person you are interested in. Getting to know more about them to make the decision of whether you want to pursue a serious relationship that could lead to marriage.

Dating is not a covenant under God, and a lot of people treat it like it is. Dating is not marriage. Girls, HE DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU!  You may want him to (one day), but he doesn’t. I have heard guys say before that they don't like when girls act like their wife when they are not. 

 I am reminded of something Joshua Harris said in his book Boy Meets Girl  about dating. He shares the story of how he began his courtship with his now wife Shannon and one of things he said to her from the get go is that if at any point she wants to walk a way from this relationship she is under no obligation to stay, and she is free to do. He wanted to make it very clear that he wanted to spend time getting to know her and see if that could possibly lead to marriage, but he didn’t want her to feel in anyway trapped in that relationship.

But, many people treat dating like they have locked that person down for life some how when really all you are doing, or should be doing, is spending time together and getting to know each other better…intentionally.

Personally, it helps me to remember that the person I am dating is not mine. If I am not married to him, we are one yet. My body is not his and his body is not mine. Therefore I really don’t have the right, yet, to treat him or him treat me as if that were so.

Especially if you use to date someone and now you are not...you really have no say in what they do or don't do. Girls are bad about this. He wasn't yours before and now he defiantly isn't. Biggest pet peeves: when girls try and still control the guy they USED to be with. Who he can and cannot date...etc. If you are no longer dating that guy, as painful as it maybe for you, you no longer (unless he asks) get to have a say in what he does or doesn't do.

Sorry, for the bluntness. I just get tired of seeing girls act like the guy they are dating or use to date is their husband, and he's not.

My friend Heather and I were talking last week about how much we don't like most books that are written about dating. Yes, there are Biblical guidelines and standards we are to obey. But some of the "rules" people come up with are not even Biblical.

That's when she and I made the joke, "there are no rules." Please don't hear that wrong, we are not saying do whatever you want; we were simply saying things like (age differences, how you met, who called who first, who asked who out first, girl code...etc) are just silly and don't really matter.

Again, i am not saying I am 100% right. It's just my thoughts and personal opinion. 

If you like it, and don’t want anyone else to have it….put a ring it.